Everything You Need to Know About Last Week’s News #44

In reverse order of importance:

One of the places on earth that measures carbon dioxide levels in the atmosphere measured it at 400 parts per million for the first time, which caused a lot of weeping and gnashing of teeth because of how having a 4 instead of a 3 in the first digit symbolizes how doomed we all are because the last time this happened (according to calculated knowledge) was millions of years ago when temperatures were a lot higher than this which somehow does not disprove the very strong link between carbon dioxide and temperature which is the reason we are all doomed.

A new study says parents who lick their baby’s pacifiers make them less likely to developer allergies. I think we’ll take our chances.

Stephen Colbert’s Democrat sister lost to ex-adulterous Republican Mark Sanford in a strongly conservative South Carolina district to replace appointed African American Republican Senator Tim Scott. So unusual and yet so typical.

Metalcore band As I Lay Dying’s frontman Tim Lambesis was arrested for allegedly conspiring to have a hit man murder his wife. This is so sad on so many levels and I’m still in denial hoping it’s somehow not true.

The world’s first gun made with 3D printer technology has been successfully fired in the US. This is not to be confused with last year’s “first successful firing of a 3D-printed gun,” which only included the “lower receiver.” This new gun had everything printed but the “firing pin,” so once they get that printed next year we’ll have a third headline about the “first gun” made on “3D printers.”

People were arrested in Europe in connection with the crazy diamond heist from Week #33, suggesting that crime still doesn’t (usually) pay. Meanwhile, this week’s mega scheme involved thieves nabbing $45 million from thousands of ATM’s around the world in a few hours.

The IRS admitted that it targeted conservative Tea Party groups for extra scrutiny over their tax-exempt status. This is an example of what I’ve called the “political warfare cost” (thought I need a catchier name) of big government, where laws become complicated enough that almost everybody is probably breaking some of them which enables the people in power to selectively target their political enemies.

The Senate passed the complicated Internet sales tax, where it now goes to (hopefully die?) in the House. Meanwhile, House technophiles introduced a (probably very good) bill to protect consumers who buy technological devices. Back in the Senate, John McCain introduced a good-hearted but probably harmful bill to mandate the unbundling of cable channels. And Elizabeth Warren introduced a good-hearted but very dumb bill to make student loans really cheap.

Congress also held hearings on Benghazi. Democrats say Republicans are just trying to make Hillary look bad for 2016. Republicans want to know why the administration changed their talking points and said they didn’t. I’m stopped being too sympathetic about the conservative witch hunt after learning that Bush had more consulate attacks under his watch or something, but there are still some interesting unanswered questions here.

A Cleveland man helped rescue three woman who had been kidnapped as teenagers and held captive for a decade. And since this happened in 2013, Charles Ramsey was interviewed and became more famous for the auto-tuned remix.

North Korea removed missiles from a launch site, de-pending some of the “impending doom” of the last few weeks.

Pakistan had a mostly successful democratic election.

The Bangladesh garment factory collapse death toll is now over one thousand. That’s gotta make even the most hardcore libertarian at least a tiny bit more interested in the working conditions that produce the clothes he buys.

Saudi Arabia’s coronavirus spread to France and may have transmitted human-to-human! That’s almost scary enough for the media to start acting really freaked out!