Everything You Need to Know About Last Week’s News #13

In reverse order of importance:

Two singers got mad at each other on a singing show, generating some conveniently-timed publicity for a show that has outlived its usefulness.

Scientists say they’ve discovered a new freaky dinosaur species that some are affectionately calling “Velocichicken.” If only they had discovered this before Jurassic Park

Somewhere around 70% of Americans thought Romney schooled Obama in the first presidential debate on Wednesday, baffling independents who had been personally assured by liberals that Romney was too evil and dumb to do that.

Thanks to new technologies, US oil production last month reached its highest level since 1996, baffling clean energy advocates who have been assuring us that oil production is supposed to be going down.

The official US unemployment rate finally fell below 8% on Friday, baffling experts who have been assuring us that the fiscal cliff is already hurting the economy. It also baffled conservatives, who were forced to choose between believing that Obama’s socialist policies aren’t really destroying the economy or that they really aren’t quite so socialist after all.

Israel successfully shot down a drone that was flying over its territory, raising even more questions about the future of the Middle East.

The civil war in Syria spilled a bit into Turkey last week, killing a few civilians. Turkey is beefing up its border as tensions rise. Things may get worse before they get better.

Unrest is also growing in Iran, where the currency seems to be depreciating rapidly enough for some to invoke the word “hyperinflation.” Apparently all those sanctions are finally doing something. So far it seems to be hurting the Iranian people more than the Iranian regime, but I bet some of the leaders are having nightmares about an Arab Winter.